I guess the universe thinks I need a refresher course in non-attachment because I am being pushed (shoved unkindly) to examine my relationship with change, comfort, and outcomes.
I am not going to beat around the bush....
I have to find a new space for our studio by October 31st. I found about this a week ago today. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and felt ‘off’ that whole day. Nothing felt happy or easy and I was in a funk. I attributed it to grief, because….well, grief has been a major part of our lives for 3 solid years and I have learned it can be unpredictable and messy. It was a hard day even before I got the news that I had to leave my beloved studio. It was as if some part of me was expecting bad news. I wonder if some part of me could start to expect winning lottery numbers?
Spoiler alert: after I wrapped my head around this and grieved for the space, I was able to look at my choices and I think I have a solution. I won’t say more on that yet because it is not a done deal….. that post will come. I promise. This post is about attachment. So let go of the need to know where yoga will be on November 1st ;)
The practice of Non- Attachment, for me, has less to do with things. Obviously, at times I have become attached to objects. I am human after all. For me, the lesson is always more about change and attachment to outcome. If you know me even a little bit you know I am not a fan of change, even if I am the one driving the change. I like things to stay the same. I’m attached to comfortable. This is a problem when life throws you a curve ball. When change happens I expend a lot of energy trying to figure out how to stop the change or dissect what I did wrong or wonder how I brought this upon myself. That’s not altogether terrible; lessons need to be learned after all. But I tend to cross a line into unhealthy self-blame and anxiety. This time, I am working on riding the wave and enjoying the excitement, sort of like a roller coaster, it should come as no surprise to you that I do not like roller coasters.
How is change related to non-attachment ? For me when I experience sudden change I also become attached to the outcome. See…I grasp not only for an immediate answer but I cling to my anxiety over is it the RIGHT answer. This tendency is not helpful. It takes energy to struggle against the changes. Energy that would be better spent changing my perspective, looking for solutions and finding the positive among the crap. This struggle closes me off to everything and everyone around me. Think about the shape of your hand when you grasp an object. Go ahead…make a tight fist. Can anything (good or bad) get into the palm of your hand right now? How much energy are you expending making that fist? Now, let your hand relax. Allow your fingers to unfurl and the palm of your hand to open. What possibilities could land in the open palm vs. the closed fist? Let yourself be like the open hand. Peaceful, relaxed, and open to whatever goodness is coming your way. This is what I am trying to do. Imperfectly.
This situation forced me to choose between two paths one steeped in worry and fear and anxiety or the other that continues to remind me this is not a tragedy….this is an opportunity.
So yes, I love the space in the market. I will always love that space. It felt like me…perfectly imperfect. Squeaky floor boards, dusty brick walls, and drafty windows. But that space isn’t ours anymore. It’s time to let it go. Wherever our new space is it will be ours to transform into a lovely, quiet, healing space….with excellent parking. I don’t know EXACTLY how this transition will go. I do not have all the details. I have more questions than answers. For example, apparently I woke up in the middle of the night wondering ‘Where will they put their shoes?!” It’s okay to laugh at me. I did. I will certainly have more opportunities to face. See what I did there…I was gonna say ‘problems’ or ‘challenges’…but I changed my perspective and made my problems ‘opportunities’ instead.
I’ll leave you with two quotes and a promise. My promise to you is: I will always be honest and open about the growth and opportunities we as a yoga community face. I will always listen to your thoughts and suggestions; it is your studio more than it is mine. I will try to make our new studio a warm and welcoming space that you feel at home in. It may take some time but I will work towards that goal every day. Remember, it is not the walls and floor that make a studio…it is the energy that you bring that makes it a space we love.
These two quotes and a steady meditation practice have helped keep my head screwed on straight.
“Take the first step in faith. You do not have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step” MLK
“We are continually faced with great opportunities cleverly disguised as unsolvable problems” Margaret Meade